I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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