My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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