I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
