i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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