it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
this hospital has no fireball
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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