So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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