me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
