the condom got lost in my hair
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
