question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
