Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
