he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
