Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
