Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
