My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
