i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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