I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
