He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
