I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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