why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
