doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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