Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
