I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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