I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
