i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
