she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
