So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
