Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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