I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
