cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
