like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
