The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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