well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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