Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The uberlube is also flammable
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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