just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize