CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
