Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
