I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize