i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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