i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
