I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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