I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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