Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
