What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
