He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
