She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
