Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
