No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
