OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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