I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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