i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
