no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
