I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
