My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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