I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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