I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
