He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
