FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
