omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
