well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
