Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
