I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
