I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
