saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize