Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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