she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
