would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize