What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
