sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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