Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
