Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
