Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
