No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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