I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
