apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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