i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
