How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
