i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
