I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
