is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
