You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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