so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
