:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
