sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
