I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
