I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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