you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
